my fiancé has an inexplicable love of panda bears that i will never understand
Little Rant about my engagement, feel free to ignore
Whenever I tell a friend, or anyone for that matter, that I’m engaged, their first reaction is, almost completely uniform among everyone, disbelief, shock and the worst of all, worry. At first I was a completely shocked by this reaction. To me, what seemed like the most normal continuation of my life was to get married. It wasn’t some huge thing I had to wrap my mind around, it was just natural. Of course I am thrilled beyond belief and in a constant state of excitement, but only because I’m so happy that what seemed natural to me also seems natural to him. Both of us saw our transition as boyfriend-girlfriend to fiancés as exciting, but eminent. We both knew it was going to happen way before it did, when you know you just know. I can’t help that I’m only 19 and he can’t help that he’s only 20.
My biggest surprise with the reactions I got were the somewhat hypocrisy of them. I’m in a monogamous relationship with the man I love and we spend our Saturday nights Skyping and talking for hours. That’s normal for us. When I sit down and tell people I’m engaged, they’re blown away; and yet when a friend sits down and tells the story of her Saturday night they’re barely phased. I’ve heard countless stories about “hooking up”. It’s completely normal for someone not to remember the name or even the number of people they were with the past weekend. It’s become the norm for people to have quick and meaningless sexual encounters. My engagement has been the big news among my friends, not the fact that one of them got so drunk she had to go to the hospital. To me, this seems so bizarre and hypocritical. How can people who can’t remember the person they slept with last, worry about me.
I’ve always been told that I act older than I am, even that I “skipped the fun part of life”. I always got a kick out of that. I’m having lots of fun. I love Skyping for hours, that to me is fun. I don’t have interventions with my friends to say “hey, you know binge drinking and hooking up with half the campus every weekend might have irreversibly bad affects on the rest of your life,” so why do they feel perfectly fine letting me know that they feel I should think more about agreeing to something that will last the remainder of my life. Of course I understand people’s concern with my age, but only because they are equating the number with the level of maturity and life experience. Sixty years ago, getting married at my age was normal, so why has it become so obscure? In a world where people can’t remember their number of sexual partners, why is it that I’m the one they worry about? Why is it that the same people who ask me to be their designated driver, cover their shift at work, help them with homework, take them grocery shopping, teach them how to do laundry, help them avoid parties and instead do homework on a Thursday night and many other such motherly requests feel as though the roles have reversed once I tell them my news. Why am I the mature one people ask for help in all other circumstances but then as soon as I make the mature decision to get married, they all treat me as if I am some ten year old running blindly into oncoming traffic? I can’t be both of these things. You can’t rely on me to take care of you and be the “mature one” while simultaneously telling me I’m not ready to get married.
People act with such authority and false sense of perceived wisdom when telling me their opinion about my engagement. Perhaps I acted the same way above when judging their extra-curricular activities, however these past months of hypocrisy have riled me up.
There is exactly one person that I told my news to who was legitimately and purely happy for me. The first thing everyone, but her, said was “are you sure,” like I’m going to stop, think things over for a bit and say “no, well actually now that you mention it I haven’t really thought it over.” I told him yes, of course I’m sure.
284 days until our wedding.. if all goes as planned, which let’s be serious, it rarely does but we can hope
i’m going to pick out brandon’s wedding band today!
Brandon, I hope you know now that we’re waiting until I graduate to get married, we’re getting a puppy the day after our wedding.
Brandon:
You drive me absolutely up the wall insane, but I don’t know what I’d do with out you. I love you more than anything and I can’t wait to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of our lives. Marrying will be the most amazing decision I’ve ever made, I can barely wait until next summer. We are going to have such an amazing life together and I can’t wait to start it. I’m sorry for getting frustrated with you at times, but you are the only one who can make me feel like that. I’ve never felt so strongly about anyone in my entire life, you are my future and I love you more than I could ever put into words.
Love Always,
maddy
